The Pressure Valve
I realized recently that I have never once finished a winter (in over 20-plus years of skiing professionally) and been completely satisfied with my skiing; I’ve always wished I’d gone bigger, harder, radder. I suppose on one side of the coin that drive is what has kept me pushing myself, and on the other hand I’ve put too much pressure on myself and it’s stolen a bit of the joy from skiing. When I didn’t ski my best, I was so hard on myself, which then made me question my every choice and then ironically I wasn’t able to just let go, get in the flow and ski how I wanted to. So, clearly too much pressure backfires, yet not enough pressure feels scary, like I will give up and lose my drive and my gnar switch altogether. Finding the right amount of pressure is the goal, and I think that tension and liminality is where a lot of the uncertainty within my skiing lies. When I’m in that space of uncertainty, it’s easy to let stress take over.
Finding the line between too much and not enough.
Stress is different than pressure. Pressure feels more directional, like a demand. I NEED to do this, or there’s a consequence. Stress just feels like it can come from all directions and once it gets too heavy, there’s just a full shut-down, a squish-out like when the shocks on a mountain bike lose their air. When I’ve been standing on top of lines feeling overly stressed, I can feel my breathing get shallow, my mind races and I lose focus, and I know (unfortunately from experience) that in those times I will most likely ski worse. My body shuts down and my connection with my brain short circuits, and often I will just stop mid-line which is not safe, and definitely not rad. I become a blob of goo, second-guessing every action.
Almost there, wait too much, back off a bit!
My mother-in-law once wisely said “You need a little bit of stress to keep things going,” like Newton’s law of motion. To get the body at rest into motion, you apply force, or stress. And I’ve experienced how a little bit of stress, the right amount of nervous excitement, can heighten my performance and help me focus and get into that flow state where I’m not thinking, just skiing. But finding the exact right amount of pressure, or stress, is the never ending quest. Monitoring the pressure valve and knowing when to pump it up and when to release a bit is the ever-elusive key.
That’s more like it, deep powder with friends!
Spoiler alert: I have no freaking idea how to do that! I’m certain about a few things: there’s never one exact recipe that works for all people at all times—it’s always a constant “monitor and re-adjust” situation. A few things that I’ve discovered help me monitor and adjust are: 1. Make it a practice; 2. Take it seriously, but not like SERIOUS-serious; 3. Stay open to the possibilities; 4. Be completely okay with saying no.
Make it a practice. This just means that I give myself time and space to do the thing. I can make a million excuses for why not to ski on any given day (and it’s my job for heaven’s sake!!), but making it a practice (which I allowed myself when I decided to ski 100 days in a row in 2023) gives permission to do it above the excuses, and just allows me to have no expectations. I don’t have to be training, or doing anything gnarly, as long as I get out. Bad snow, good snow, solo or with friends or kids or my husband, short or long, touring or lifts…you get the picture. Just skiing. I find that I usually get there grouchy, like why am I even bothering, the snow is crappy! But inevitably after a few runs, I manage to make one good turn in crappy snow and I suddenly feel very pleased with myself. Or, nothing happens at all and the skiing is boring but at least I gave myself that space to be there. Must be present to win, don’t know if you don’t go, all that.
Take it seriously! By this I mean that it’s okay to choose skiing (or insert other favorite passion/pastime/hobby here). Skiing is fun, and taking fun seriously is important to me. I want it in my life because I’m a better person, mom, and all of the above when I make time to pursue my career and my passion. So, I take the commitment to fun seriously. If I make myself do stuff that turns it into a drudgery, that’s actually not taking it seriously, that’s just forcing it.
Stay open to the possibilities. One time I did a mountain bike camp in Whistler and most of the instructors were women in their 50s who could send super tech-y lines or hit jumps, and it was a complete revelation, like, oh, I have time. I don’t need to make myself learn this today, or next year, because I can keep working on stuff for a long time. I also once skied a tight couloir at 9,000 feet in the Chilean Andes with a legally blind man in his 70s, and his skiing was only getting better each year, so, if there’s something you have an inkling you might want to do, or even something that seems like a wild pipe dream, just remember to never say never. Keep that little whispery dream in your head and keep doing numbers 1 & 2.
Be completely okay with saying no. I used to totally beat myself up if I backed out of a line or an air, or chose the easy line. But that didn’t actually make me ski any better, and it certainly made me feel worse. Not only would I internally beat myself up but I would externally process it repeatedly, and I’m sure it was annoying to my ski partners and didn’t necessarily contribute to positive team vibes. It’s okay for sure to express disappointment, but maybe like once is good. If I fixate on it, I’m not allowing room to think about what I actually DO want to do. Much better use of the brain, really—thinking about what might happen in the future, and how I can apply what I’ve learned. So, now if I don’t want to do something for any reason I just say no and move on, then put it out of my mind. If it keeps sneaking in there, okay sure, see number 4 above and add it to the future maybe list!
I’m sure I’ll keep making mistakes and dialing in my strategy, certainly erring on the side of caution. Finding the right amount of pressure, staying prepared, and staying open to possibilities all helps me plan for the best, and when I have a plan, I can handle a little stress and not let it bubble over. Most of the time at least!
Mentally, I want to be here.
